POEM

  • poem
Tiimmy Swift

I heard the footsteps coming and I knew this would be another long night
And something inside me screamed this time it really isn't right
The words he was saying were ruthless and cruel
And each time he hit me I sat there and obeyed each and every rule
I sat there blank faced and scared knowing that I couldn't cry
For I knew what would happen if he saw the tears in my eyes

Each and every swing felt worse and worse
And then all I wanted was to be dead in a hearse
He got real close and whispered "Bitch I wish you weren't alive"
And all I was thinking was you're right, I wish I wouldn't survive
He threw against the wall then proceeded to pin me to the ground
He hit me again, covered my mouth, not letting me make a sound

I started to struggle and tried to release myself of his forceful grip
Then the next thing I heard was a loud, horrifying rip
His hands were cold and I cringed at first touch
I don't understand how a father could hate his daughter so much
I froze and I couldn't believe that this was really going on
I just kept looking at the clock wanting him to be gone

I tried so badly not to think of the sharp pain
And this wasn't part of his usual game
I closed my eyes wishing the time would just pass by
And that next time I opened them I would be up in the sky
He pushed harder and harder and excruciating pain was all I felt
The next thing I heard was the unbuckling of his belt

Something happened inside of me that I can not explain
I got this surge of energy and said "f you and your reign"
Somehow, someway I got out just in time
But what he had already done will never get out of my mind
From then on my life has been forever changed
It was like all I knew had been rearranged
I hate him with everything I have in me and so much more
And one day I want to end this war

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355

Tiimmy Swift

Crimson red fills the bowl and I think I'm going to be sick.
With every thing spinning so fast I cannot breath.
Walls closing in and everything fades.
Fashes of light come by, one, by one.
Feeling sleepy not knowing your name.
Not knowing mine.
There it is. my favorite thing of all this,
ah the feeling of pain is gone from before and new form enters me.
Laying here waiting for you to come home.
I open my eyes and see flashes of you and me from before you went.
You walk inside.
You call to me and wait for an answer.
You hear small light breaths coming from the bathroom.
thinking it is me, you walk down the hall with a smile.
the kind that makes your knees go week.
You walk in. Oh god, is all you can think.
I'm trying to look up at you but I can't move.
a cold chill comes over me as you pick me up.
You say we are going to the hospital and that everything will be ok.
You rush me in.
Blood running down.
The nurse rushes you to a bed so I can lay down.
I can hear you asking her something.
But I can't make out the words.
I feel something cold and wet touch my face then my arm.
I feel the prick of a sharp object go in my right arm.
The nurse says that I need stitches because the wound is to deep.
I feel the thread go in and out through my arm.
And a band-aid go around and around.
After I have slept for two days they let you in.
I can move again and open my eyes.
You say that I got 76 stitches because the cuts were way to deep.
And that I almost died.
I pull off the band-aid and look.
I see over 20 cuts and begin to cry.
You tell me its ok and we will get some help.
About 5 years later.
We have two to deal with ourselves.
Jake and Emma.
A beautiful baby boy and baby girl.
The scars are still there.
Some times I wish I could go back 5 years and change what I did do so I can make it right.

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Tiimmy Swift

You were born today
A gift from God
The blessing we waited for
Your small fingers, your tiny toes

You turned one today
You say my name, Daddy
I feel my heart melt
The cute smile on your face
You teeter totter when you walk

You turned two today
We "talk" about your favorite show
You cry when I had to leave for work
I promised to be home soon
A little kiss on my cheek, "I love you, Daddy."

You turned three today
You are so precious to me
We went out to celebrate
We were hit on the highway
The officer said something about his state
The man had been drinking, a little too much
I hold you lifeless body
A peck on your cheek, remembering, "I love you, Daddy."

You would have been four today
A tear trickles down my cheek
I remember your little voice
"Daddy, Let's play."
I kneel down, placing four roses on your grave
It hurts to remember your hugs and kisses
And the memory, "I love you, Daddy."

You would have been five today
I try not to think about it
But the emptiness won't stop
I wonder what you would have said today
Probably the sweetness of "I love you, Daddy."

The years pass by
But you are still on my mind
Still in my heart
I miss you so very much

You would have been ten today
I can imagine you on your new bike
I try to hear you laugh at my jokes
All I can think of is you
I wish I could hear "I love you, Daddy."

The years pass by
But you are still on my mind
Still in my heart
I miss you so very much

You would have been thirteen today
I see you in my mind, beautiful
Slumber parties, field trips, and friends
All the things that could have been
And, in my mind I hear "I love you, Daddy."

The years pass by
But you are still on my mind
Still in my heart
I miss you so very much

You would have been sixteen today
Sweet sixteen, dresses and curls, boyfriends
A dance together that will never happen
I pretend to see you twirl around
All you say is "I love you, Daddy."

The years pass by
But you are still on my mind
Still in my heart
I miss you so very much

You would have been eighteen today
Moving out, on your own
Living life to the fullest
A brand new life awaiting your charm
And as you leave, you say
"I love you, Daddy."

The years pass by
But you are still on my mind
Still in my heart
I miss you so very much

You would have been twenty-one today
You run to me and say, "I'm engaged."
Excited, I hug you and kiss your cheek
It would have been my turn to walk you down the aisle
As I give you away, you stop and say,
"I love you, Daddy."

I wish all these things could have been
If only you were still here
My life would mean so much more
Only if I could really hear you say,
"I love you, Daddy."

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357

Tiimmy Swift

What would you do
in 5 short years?
Would you make them the most
or hide from your fears?
Our little Cory
chose to live
Every day with a smile
and love to give
Though stricken with cancer
before he was one
his journey through life
had only begun
No matter how bad
he might have felt
He always knew how
to make your heart melt
Living life to its fullest
Each day he Awoke
He could make you smile
Every time he spoke
He filled the room
with laughter and tears
And touched many lives
in his 5 short years

He had a surprise
if you took his hand
then walk you outside
to his baseball land
It was the game he loved
more than anyone you know
Once his bat in hand
He'd put on a show
He would talk of his pets
if you'd lend him an ear
or anything else
you'd take time to hear
There were no strangers
to Cory Duane
He cared for everyone
no matter their name
The most amazing child
for such a young man
He looked up to his father
---- His biggest fan
When he was picked up at school
he beat all the kids out
with his arms opened wide
"That's my Dad" he would shout

They would wait on his brother
before going home with Dad
And spend the whole weekend playing
with every toy he had
He would tease his brothers
in his superman Jammies
and rock his guitar
like those at the Grammy's
Course Nana and Papa
would often stop by
to see that their "Precious"
was doing alright
At the close of day
He'd ask "Pat my Butt"
Knowing you'd take time
no matter what
He fought hard to beat
the disease he had
And would never complain
of feeling bad
It's certainly not fair
the battle he fought
All those who knew him
took in what he taught
For those who missed out
on life's smallest lesson
We're sorry you missed out
on our biggest blessing
For someone so young
his heart was of Gold
You would never have known
he was just 5 years old

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Tiimmy Swift

You're the shell of the person I once knew
When I talk I know you can hear
But I barely feel your spirit lingering near

You've given up… at least part way
I can't help but envision the words that you'd say
If you weren't the shell of a person I once knew.

You express your love for me, but that's just it
You'd rather I come and quietly sit
I wish you were more than the shell of a person I once knew.

I love you with all of my heart and soul
Sometimes I feel like I'm losing control
Because it's hard to see the shell of a person I once knew.

My heart hurts because I know you're aching
Your body's there, but it's just the casing
It's the shell of a person I once knew.

I don't want you to die; I'd be left here on earth
But passing on brings peace and rebirth.
You'd be more than the shell of a person I once knew.

It's your choice in the end to fight or give up.
It's not our actions that define when or what…
Please be more than the shell of a person I once knew.

Release your spirit to Heavenly Father's grace
Only then will you see his kind, smiling face.
No longer a shell of a person I once knew.

You'd be free from all the worldly limitations.
In heaven you'd be expressing exclamations,
Freed from the shell of a person I once knew.

You're not really the shell of a person I once knew,
You're my mother and I love you.
You're not a burden that I heavily have to bear
You're strength, inspiration, and care.
You're kind and loving and all that I aspire to be
It's selfish to want to keep you here close to me.

You get to choose how long you want to stay
So I'll keep on coming every day
I'll rub your feet and scratch your back
Read you your line up and help you take a bath.

Mom, take your time, it's patience I'm learning
I'm developing and my soul's constantly yearning.
Each lesson is coming… selflessness and humility
You're who I want to be.

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