POEM / POEM

Crimson red fills the bowl and I think I'm going to be sick.
With every thing spinning so fast I cannot breath.
Walls closing in and everything fades.
Fashes of light come by, one, by one.
Feeling sleepy not knowing your name.
Not knowing mine.
There it is. my favorite thing of all this,
ah the feeling of pain is gone from before and new form enters me.
Laying here waiting for you to come home.
I open my eyes and see flashes of you and me from before you went.
You walk inside.
You call to me and wait for an answer.
You hear small light breaths coming from the bathroom.
thinking it is me, you walk down the hall with a smile.
the kind that makes your knees go week.
You walk in. Oh god, is all you can think.
I'm trying to look up at you but I can't move.
a cold chill comes over me as you pick me up.
You say we are going to the hospital and that everything will be ok.
You rush me in.
Blood running down.
The nurse rushes you to a bed so I can lay down.
I can hear you asking her something.
But I can't make out the words.
I feel something cold and wet touch my face then my arm.
I feel the prick of a sharp object go in my right arm.
The nurse says that I need stitches because the wound is to deep.
I feel the thread go in and out through my arm.
And a band-aid go around and around.
After I have slept for two days they let you in.
I can move again and open my eyes.
You say that I got 76 stitches because the cuts were way to deep.
And that I almost died.
I pull off the band-aid and look.
I see over 20 cuts and begin to cry.
You tell me its ok and we will get some help.
About 5 years later.
We have two to deal with ourselves.
Jake and Emma.
A beautiful baby boy and baby girl.
The scars are still there.
Some times I wish I could go back 5 years and change what I did do so I can make it right.

You were born today
A gift from God
The blessing we waited for
Your small fingers, your tiny toes

You turned one today
You say my name, Daddy
I feel my heart melt
The cute smile on your face
You teeter totter when you walk

You turned two today
We "talk" about your favorite show
You cry when I had to leave for work
I promised to be home soon
A little kiss on my cheek, "I love you, Daddy."

You turned three today
You are so precious to me
We went out to celebrate
We were hit on the highway
The officer said something about his state
The man had been drinking, a little too much
I hold you lifeless body
A peck on your cheek, remembering, "I love you, Daddy."

You would have been four today
A tear trickles down my cheek
I remember your little voice
"Daddy, Let's play."
I kneel down, placing four roses on your grave
It hurts to remember your hugs and kisses
And the memory, "I love you, Daddy."

You would have been five today
I try not to think about it
But the emptiness won't stop
I wonder what you would have said today
Probably the sweetness of "I love you, Daddy."

The years pass by
But you are still on my mind
Still in my heart
I miss you so very much

You would have been ten today
I can imagine you on your new bike
I try to hear you laugh at my jokes
All I can think of is you
I wish I could hear "I love you, Daddy."

The years pass by
But you are still on my mind
Still in my heart
I miss you so very much

You would have been thirteen today
I see you in my mind, beautiful
Slumber parties, field trips, and friends
All the things that could have been
And, in my mind I hear "I love you, Daddy."

The years pass by
But you are still on my mind
Still in my heart
I miss you so very much

You would have been sixteen today
Sweet sixteen, dresses and curls, boyfriends
A dance together that will never happen
I pretend to see you twirl around
All you say is "I love you, Daddy."

The years pass by
But you are still on my mind
Still in my heart
I miss you so very much

You would have been eighteen today
Moving out, on your own
Living life to the fullest
A brand new life awaiting your charm
And as you leave, you say
"I love you, Daddy."

The years pass by
But you are still on my mind
Still in my heart
I miss you so very much

You would have been twenty-one today
You run to me and say, "I'm engaged."
Excited, I hug you and kiss your cheek
It would have been my turn to walk you down the aisle
As I give you away, you stop and say,
"I love you, Daddy."

I wish all these things could have been
If only you were still here
My life would mean so much more
Only if I could really hear you say,
"I love you, Daddy."

Sweet melody amidst the moving spheres
Breaks forth, a solemn and entrancing sound,
A harmony whereof the earth's green hills
Give but the faintest echo; yet is there
A music everywhere, and concert sweet!
All birds which sing amidst the forest deep
Till the flowers listen with unfolded bells;
All winds that murmur over summer grass,
Or curl the waves upon the pebbly shore;
Chiefly all earnest human voices rais'd
In charity and for the cause of truth,
Mingle together in one sacred chord,
And float, a grateful incense, up to God.

Dear Mom, I said a prayer for you
to thank the Lord above
For blessing me with a lifetime
of your tenderhearted love.

I thanked God for the caring
you've shown me through the years,
For the closeness we've enjoyed
in time of laughter and of tears.

And so, I thank you from the heart
for all you've done for me
And I bless the Lord for giving me
the best mother there could be

I don't know when it happened.
I don't know when she came,
But, she's the one I always knew,
Grandma was her name.

She taught me how to tie my shoes.
She taught me how to talk.
And, though I can't remember,
I think she taught me how to walk.

When all the other kids in school
Would talk about Mom and Dad,
I wondered where my parents were,
That made me kinda' sad.

And, sometimes there were days I'd cry
Or hide my head in shame.
But Grandma took it all in stride,
And loved me all the same.

She'd wrap her arms around me,
And kiss me on the head.
She'd tell me that she loved me
When she tucked me into bed.

Being a teen, I remember the days
When being with friends was more fun.
And I wondered what it would have been like
To actually be someone's son.

To have a regular family
Some siblings, a mom, and a dad,
What had I done to deserve less than others?
Sometimes I felt so mad.

'It's alright, it's okay,' Grandma would say,
'One day you'll understand why,
Life just isn't fair to everyone you see.
It's always okay to cry.'

And when I went off to college,
I met the love of my life.
It was Grandma who was the first I told
That I planned to make her my wife.

Soon after I'd become a father,
For that I could hardly wait.
To have a child of my very own,
And, to make my Grandma a 'Great'.

A little girl to share her name,
For all that she'd given me.
So much I owed to Grandma,
That was plain to see.

As time passed and life grew short
I hoped my Grandma knew
That it was her love and her support
That always got me through.

If I could tell her one more thing
'Thanks Grandma', is what I 'd say
For loving me and making me,
The man I am today.

There is a beautiful world where I can see your face,
It exists only between time and space
Time shreds space like worn out fashion,
And leaves us desperate for our precious compassion
Space consumes time without our consent,
And hides the reality that our dreams were once spent
Our love is regained when we meet in between
And there we can dance again in our dream

You fill the room with sweet sensation
distracting bits of information
crowd the space where logic dwells
distorting sights and sounds and smells
touching me with tactile pleasure
pushing me beyond a measure
of reasonable doubt that soon I sense
I'm nowhere in the present tense.

I was a dare devil,
I always raised the level,
I got bruises and scars,
But that didn't stop me from going bizarre

I would jump and skate,
But it wasn't my fate,
I have to find something else to do,
Before I don't have a clue