Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."
The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"
The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."
The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!"
Theres 3 men and they all want a job at sainsburys so the 1st man comes in and says
to the manager :1st Man: Can i have a job please Manager:Yes go and do
something dangerous so he does something dangerous comes back and says:
1st Man: Ive done it Manager:How many letters in the alphebet 1st Man:26
Same for 2nd Man
Same for 3rd Man
But on 3rd man Manager:How many letters in the alphebet
3rd man:24 Manager:why you say that: 3rd Man: Because i just blewup B&Q
When I want to teach the coulors, I just ask my students to pretend the phone is ringing and they will answer:
Phone rings: "Green, green!"
They answer: "Yellow?"
They ask: "White?"
They hang up: "Pink!"
While teaching this use your hands pretending you are holding the phone.
HE BIG CRASH
It is the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere, two cars both slightly cross over the white line in the centre of the road.
They collide and a fair amount of damage is done, miraculously neither driver is hurt.
They both get out. One is a doctor, one is a lawyer.
The lawyer calls the police on his cell phone and they say they will be there within 20 minutes.
It’s cold and damp, and both men are shaken up.
The lawyer offers the doctor a drink of brandy from his hip flask, the doctor accepts, drinks and hands it back to the lawyer, who then puts it away.
"Aren’t you going to have a drink?" the doctor says.
"AFTER the police get here." replies the lawyer